Dr. Heisenberg Magic Mirror of Uncertainty, 1998 © Duane Michels
I’m the type of person who likes to make plans, to make lists, and basically, to have a fundamental level certainty in my life. Never mind whether I see all these plans and lists to fruition, it’s the actual planning I need. The older I get the more I find I’m not such a good guesser or a “whatever will be, will be” type personality. So this current period in my life is pretty difficult for me. Not knowing what tomorrow will bring, in a “new” city (seven months in a city still finds me new, anyway), with a job that may or may not last past the end of the month and an unemployed, healing-from-surgery husband, is keeping me rather unnerved and in a state of constant anxiety.
Like I keep telling one friend of mine who’s unfortunate enough to have me unload on her day after day, I just want my life back. It’s been so long since I have known what it’s like to live day-to-day with no anxiety over what big question or predicament tomorrow will bring. And yes, I do know everything is uncertain to some extent and that life certainly carries no certainty at all; however, a little bit of some kind of predictability would be a big blessing right about now.
Essentially though, I suppose all that is constant is hope. And I hope I've got it.
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